A Special Day. A Special Time.

Today is our 37th wedding anniversary. When we were planning the wedding, Dad gave me some good advice. He said, "Marry her before the end of the year so you can get the deduction." So I did. We're sentimental like that.

If my bride and I remember what day it is, we'll just wish each other a happy anniversary and exchange a kiss, maybe two. However, My Glenda collects Jim Shore and this year she wanted a piece she saw at the college book store. She actually saw it months ago and kept asking if they still had it. I bought it one day and told her it was sold. Had to carry on the lie all that time. It was meant for Christmas but I decided today was a good reason to surprise her.

I carried the thing in my book bag for two days until I was able to sneak it into the small suitcase in my closet where it languished all this time. Thankfully she didn't need to travel or my cover would have been blown.

Of course, she loved it. She laughed and she cried. I got a hug and two kisses. Think I'll buy a lottery ticket.

I am feeling grateful this year. Don't know why because I usually don't. The holidays don't usually mean anything to me. I guess moving to our own place, finishing college and making it through another year have special meaning so I am feeling celebratory.

Yet it isn't a perfect happiness. We have lost some very important Warriors in the cancer fight in 2009. Here's hoping they are the last and we don't lose any in 2010. Every one waged a grand battle. They inspired us to keep fighting. We must hold them up as examples and inspiration to never give up.

Our condolences and wishes for a happy life goes out to their families who helped them fight the Beast so bravely. May your grief be eased by knowing they are in a better place and undoubtedly are watching over you from above.

Now, as we look to 2010, we should remember our lost Warriors and hold them in our hearts. We should also continue the fight less they will have died in vain. The sadness of losing them will be with us for a time, eventually to be eased with loving memories and, hopefully, recollections of the good times we had that bring a smile to our faces.

Let's try to focus not on their deaths, but on their lives and the love they shared with everyone around them.

As the Christmas day nears, let's also remember the reason for the season. Let's celebrate His birth and give thanks for His loving sacrifice. We should find comfort in the knowledge that the Warriors we lost are with Him enjoying perfect and pain-free bodies. Their suffering is over.

I keep telling people to never give up. And, being human, there are days I want to just lay down and let what happens happen. Eventually the feelings pass and life goes on. 2010 holds promise.

We know it has got to be a btter year than 2009 so let's work to make it so. Set your goals. Take your trips. Plan your parties. Never let the Beast keep you from enjoying life as much as you can. We're all going to die anyway so we may as well go out while we're having a good time.

God bless us, every one.

I don't usually post multiple entries but I feel inspired today so here I go...

I guess I am still on college time. I woke up at 6 this morning and had a bit of a hard time going back to sleep. I finally managed it only to be awakened around 7:30 by a cramp in my left calf. They strike at any time, usually in the middle of the night when I am in that level of sleep when you aren't even dreaming. That's my favorite level.

Soon as that leg starts cramping though, I am jolted wide awake as if someone punched my leg and gave me a charley horse.

Now, I have gotten those things for years. I think they are a result of the herniated disc in my lower back that pressed on the sciatic nerve. I had the disc fixed years ago but the cramps keep returning like unwanted relatives. I suppose I'll have to live with them, however long that will be. But what's one more issue eh what?

I stretch them out and they fade after a minute or so and I am able to go back to the sleep of the dead from whence I came. Thank God I am blessed with the ability to relax so utterly that I can fall into a deep restful slumber in no time.

Every cancer Warrior knows the fears of living with cancer. Every little twinge or pain makes us wonder if the cancer is spreading. I don't care how tough you are, you will think it, even if for just a few seconds.

I get cramps all over my body now. I attribute those to the chemo. I am sure it isn't the cancer because, well I just feel it isn't. You get to know your body once you get involved with all sorts of medical people and you pay close attention to the changes you and your body go through. Like body cramps.

David Foster wrote that it isn't the cancer that kills you. It's the treatments.

Being a bit of a health nut, I have learned a little about the muscles and how they work. I kind of had to to learn how to live with the cramps and a bad back that would go out if I so much as sneezed sometimes. Everytime I get a cramp in my chest muscles or in the upper back, I feel a twinge of fear.

My mind instantly thinks of my heart which is the most important muscle of all. Most mornings when I stretch, I get a cramp in the lower pectoral area and I have to stretch that out for a minute. It's usually located right at the rib below the breast. Stretching it out usually causes a new cramp on the opposite side of my chest and I start getting angry. Then I think of my heart.

And I wonder for a little while about what would happen if I suddenly got a cramp on my heart. My imagination runs wild and tells me it will hurt like hell and I will die a painful death. I wonder if I will have a chance to yell out for Glenda so she can help me somehow.

Then, my anger kicks in--again--and I tell myself to knock it off.

"When your time comes, just hope for enough time to make peace with God. That's all you need. Now get up and get busy."

And I think, "Yeah. You're right." So I get up, stretch by reaching for the sky and go put on the coffee.